찜질방 with Boyfriend’s Parents – There weren’t enough bones in my body to explain the awkwardness, so I tried to grew a few more.

  I have a ton of stories about being awkward and embarrassed, especially as a foreigner in a foreign country, but I think this one takes the cake. First I’d like to get the definition out of the way though because you’re probably thinking you know the end of this story already, but I promise, it’s a surprise. (Or you can skip to the conclusion)

1) Cultural Comparison Story

  As you may know and may have experienced, saunas like 찜질방 or 岩盤欲 (rock saunas) are common places to go for people of all ages in Asia. I’ve never been to any kind of hot spring or sauna in America… always thought of it as some kind of therapeutic old people place. However I can’t even count how many times I’ve been while in Japan and Korea. For the sake of blog length, I’m not going to talk about hot springs in Asia.

In Japan – 岩盤欲

  These hot rock saunas have tons of saunas at varying temperatures, so you can choose your poison (Personally  I had all the heat tolerance baked out of me by the Texas sun). The floors are usually smooth, natural rock, like granite slabs, or tons of small river rocks. There are bamboo mats inside to lie down on and you bring your small towel so you don’t have to share too much sweat with the previous user.

Before you go to the sauna rooms tho, you stuff your clothes and valuables in a locker and go get naked with all your same sex companions. (unless you’re a little boy, then it’s OK to go hang out with all the naked ladies.) There are tons of different temperature / texture baths which you can soak in after showering, and some of them have electric massage waves, which I’ve been too afraid to try because they have warning labels saying they could fuck up your heart etc… I don’t have a pacemaker, but that makes me feel disinclined.

  There are also sometimes salt saunas where there’s a big vat of coarse salt that you rub all over your body and then let it do it’s magic while you roast. I can’t imagine what would make you feel more like food than being salted and sitting in an oven, but they say it sucks the fat right out of you. (I just felt hot and salty tho)

After you rinse off and change into your sauna wear, you can go visit the sauna rooms. Inside the sauna rooms, it’s usually dark and the majority of people lie down and sleep. And are quiet. And sweaty. Then they leave and go sweat someplace else. If you think you might like to chat with your friends while roasting, think again because while many people think Japanese are repressed, they won’t hesitate to tell you to shut up うるさい！ Or say SHHHhhh!H!#”! So go outside if you want to have a beer and chat. 

Many places have partitions between the rock beds, b/c this is NOT a place for socialization

In Korea – 찜질방

  The basic concept is the same as above. Communal washing and soaking, and then hanging out in hot or cold saunas. However, Korean 찜질방 also often have a lot more feautures. “Akasuri” is very famous, and people travel from Japan to Korea just to go have their skin scrubbed off exfoliated with the infamous “Italy Towel”. (Which is a Korean invention, given the name Italy just to seem fancy.)

I have never been, because its too disturbing to think about 아줌마 hanging around in their undies and scrubbing the ENTIRTY of your naked body with a coarse towel while you like on a table. I can deal with being naked with other naked people, but full out rubbing each others bodies is pretty hardcore for my taste, but everyone else says it’s wonderful, so Kudos to you if you’re brave enough to get the treatment.

You can check out this site for some 찜질방 아줌마 if you really want.

Italy Towels, exfoliators or sandpaper?

  Besides massages, they also have 부항 or “fire cupping” where they make small pots into vaccums with fire and then suction cup them to your back. Places online say that this is supposed to correct the flow of the four humors, but my Korean friends say that if you get particularly dark bruises in a certain area, that means that you have something wrong there, like a stiff shoulder or bad hips etc. Sometimes they make a small cut before they put the cups on to “draw out the bad blood” but we’ve always chosen to keep our blood on the inside when we used our home set.

However, the best part about Korean 찜질방 is that it’s a hangout spot! You can spend ALL DAY there eating snacks, drinking 식혜, watching TV etc. Everyone goes and chats loudly with their friends and just has a good ol’ time. COMPLETELY different atmosphere from the relaxation/sleeping style of Japan.

 The Princess Leia towel look is popular for any age.

The best thing that both have is without a doubt, the ice rooms! Some are just super chilled like a walk-in freezer with wooden benches, and some are rooms with ice/snow falling down and collecting in the middle in a giant mountain of ice. I can’t think of any place I would rather be…

But that hasn’t always been the case.

2)Expensive Story

Last September I was working part time while trying to re-find a stable job (Thanks Lehman Bros), so I could take time off whenever I wanted. When I got accepted to my current company, I took vacation from my part-time job and spent a week in Korea because I figured I wouldn’t get another chance to go for a while since I would be working a 9-6, 5 days a week.

Unfortunately the boy couldn’t get time off from his work, so I ended up booking a flight alone, but made plans to meet up with my friend there. (Korean, but lives in Tokyo like me).

Actually, speaking of which, I asked her to buy my ticket for me because I got rid of my Japanese credit card and it’s cheaper to buy online. Which she nicely enough did, but accidently bought it for the wrong date… as in I got to the airport (for the first time feeling proud that I was on time and prepared) and they told me my ticket was for

Yesterday.

…

(let this ellipses express my shock and anxiety of the time)

So I ended up buying another ticket on the day, for more than 2x the price of the original ticket, thus spending over $1,000 USD for something that should have cost $300. Plus I had to put it on my American credit card. And let me tell you, an exchange rate of 82 cents to 100 yen, SUCKS if you’re buying yen. It was 115 to 80 back in 2004…

Then I bought presents for people at the airport… and they were stolen... because I forgot them in the bathroom stall on the rack for 5 minutes… They were just snacks, but talk about adding insult to injury.

At least I got bumped up to business class because the airport felt sorry for me. My wallet felt sad, by my butt felt businessy for about an hour and a half.

3) On to the Solo Seoul Adventure

I arrived in Seoul and my boyfriend’s cousins picked me up and we went out… DRINKING. BTW, I love. Drinking. (Beer and Soju, I will blog about my love for you later) His cousins and brother had visited us in Tokyo before, so it was like meeting up with friends. I stayed at his sister’s house, who I hadn’t met before, but we all got along well and had parties every day. Wonderful.

Now, you might think that meeting your significant other’s family for the first time without your significant other around would be weird / awkward / why would you do that, but it was fine because his parents and uncles/aunts all live down in Busan, and I was safe in Seoul.

  But then they… got on a train and came up to Seoul and had a big ol’ family reunion. My boyfriend, who wasn’t there, says that they always just decide stuff on whims so it wasn’t a big deal, but I know deep down inside that his parents travelled across the country just to see who their son was dating and then pass judgement. So I met them and was like Hi, I’m Sarah… I can kinda speak Korean, but nope, don’t understand your crazy North Korean roots mixed with Busan dialect Mom.

So, random as random could possibly be, his sister’s family and his brother and I all hopped in a van and met his mom, dad and aunt at the station and then we all set off on a 4 hour road trip to the ocean. At 11:30 at night. On a weekday. So then I was in a car with my boyfriend’s Korean family that I had never met, and did the only thing I could do. Gave his dad some Yesbisu beer which I had brought from Japan, because let’s face it, Korean beer is just water.

Dear Japanese beer, you are quite pleasant in quantities.

Everything was actually ok because they’re great people, but I did a lot of just sitting in silence cause at the time my speaking ability was very low even though I could understand spoken Korean pretty well (Just not his mom’s Korean dialect)

Then the first stop we made was at an empty apartment where we gathered around a table and drank beer and soju. Then we headed straight for the 찜질방 at like 3AM and I got naked with his mom and aunt. I don’t think I could imagine a situation in which I would feel more self-conscious about my naked body, than showering with a potential Korean mother-in-law who I can’t communicate with. So here too, I did the only thing I could and sucked it up and offered to scrub her back in the shower.

Then we went to sleep on mats with wooden blocks as pillows. I will NEVER understand how people are able to sleep with a communal wooden block under their head.

5) In Conclusion

The short version of this story goes: Nice to meet you Korean boyfriend’s mom, I’m the American that lives with your son, I can’t understand you, let’s get naked, I’ll scrub your back.

Although I turned 5 shades of awkward and self-conscious, in the end I think I must have done alright, because they seemed to like me. If any one else is trying to get on a significant other’s Korean family’s good side, I recommend beer for dad and back scrubbing for mom. They kept calling my boyfriend and going on about it, so I must have made the right choice. Whew!

Learning Korean 한국어 배우기

Learning Korean

Since Japanese and Korean are very similar in many ways (vocab, grammar, identical syntax) I study Korean in Japanese. Although I often look up a word in both Japanese and English because some nuances can be explained better in one language than another, grammar doesn’t make sense to me if it’s explained in English.

At first I self-studied Korean using Japanese textbooks, but after clearing the Intermediate level, I gave up textbook study in order to improve my conversation ability. The grammar etc. that appears in Advanced textbooks is not useful for everyday life, so there’s no point in using them unless you just want to study for the TOPIK or have gotten your conversation down to a level where you can speak about a variety of topics without fault.

The thing that sucks about trying to improve your speech is that you have to speak. Not a problem if you live in a country that uses your target language of course, (which is why I picked up Japanese quickly) but you’re ultimately limited to finding someone else to converse with if you want to improve.

With the 韓流 (hallyu) boom, there are tons of Japanese people learning Korean now! But the majority of them are 아줌마 빠순이… (aunties obsessed with stars or drama). A very popular goal in Japan for learning a foreign language is “자막 없이 드라마 보고 싶어요~”　「字幕なしでドラマ観たい」”I want to watch dramas without subtitles!”.

There’s a decently popular Korean textbook series in Japan called 「できる韓国語」or what I would translate as “You can do it! Korean!”. The back of the first intermediate textbook says it’s perfect for ppl who want to b able to watch dramas without subtitles, but lemme tell ya, it takes a lot more study than just intermediate 1 to b able to understand a drama… grammar is pretty easy to learn, it’s just a matter of learning enough vocabulary. If you think about it, dictionaries are quite huge for a reason.

SO, on that note, I think that studying grammar up to the intermediate level and then switching to focus on improving vocabulary is the best course of action for an effective study time vs acquisition ratio.

When I was studying Japanese (I no longer study, but I still learn things), I learned all the important grammar in 2 years of college and then after that when I moved to Japan I spent 1 year studying kanji. Just kanji.  But learning kanji means learning both vocabulary sets and roots, so I learned 2,000 kanji in a year and my Japanese level skyrocketed because I could recall the kanji in my head and then combine them to make new vocabulary words therefore improving my conversation ability radically.

Knowing kanji makes learning Korean 5 million times easier. Learning Korean to a Japanese person is like learning Spanish to an English speaker. While the grammar is different, the roots of words are very similar, so you can understand many words even if it’s your first time hearing/reading them. Knowing the Korean reading of hanja means you can attribute their reading to a Chinese root word that you already know. You can basically make up words instead of looking them up in a dictionary. Nice, huh?

 Study Tools

In order to build vocabulary, I print bilingual news columns off the net (check links on side of this page) and then read them on the train. When I can get away it I write blogs in Korean on lang-8 and then can have native speakers correct my mistakes. Very useful and corrections usually come back within half an hour!

If you’re interested in improving your listening, besides watching dramas or movies, you can listen to podcasts like Talk to me in Korean OR upload something you want recorded to rhinospike.com and native speakers will make an mp3 file for you of whatever you uploaded. Maybe useful for practicing a speech too.

Although I’m embarrassed that I own an Apple product (cracked IPhone), the amount of available applications makes it bearable.

audioboo.fm has an app for recording mp3s – very useful for rhinospike.com on the go!

뉴스캐스트 News cast from Naver is a collection of current Korean newspapers (some bilingual or in English) that you can customize and browse through easily.

영어회화패턴 study card is really good for making your own vocab lists. (영어의 공부에는 안 되는데...) It's nice because you can edit the lists without having to connect to the computer. However, the pre-made vocab lists have "interesting" Engrish.

Talk to me in Korean also has their own app where you can download the podcasts and PDF files. It's a bit less than what I would expect for a paid app, but I think it contributes to a good cause.

Let me know if you have any favorites for studying!

  

A Poor Stereotype

I am very white. I never thought much of this fact until I moved to Japan about 5 years ago. Now I’m aware almost every day (sometimes I forget, but ppl remind me when they feel it necessary).

I’m also blond. Swedish roots blond.

However, I think that’s where my Americaness stops. I perceive myself as a very poor representative of American culture, but since I’m blond and white, people in Asia are very glad to label everything I do as being pure American.

I personally think I make a very poor representative of America as demonstrated by the chart below:

On the other hand, I am the perfect stereotypical Texan:

Which happens to make me a poor representative of Texas because I don't know any other Texan girls like me. 

But regardless of whether I think I’m a good representative or not, people in Asia think I’m perfect.

For example, over the weekend my Korean boyfriend and I visited his 이모, (aunt) who lives near us in Tokyo. She offered me some coffee, but I declined, so she offered me some orange juice instead. When I accepted she said

“Ah, Americans LOVE orange juice!”.

Having lived in Japan for almost 5 years, I’m not surprised by culturalism much any more, but I can’t even pretend to understand how she formed this idea. Maybe if she had come to my house and I had several cartons of OJ in the fridge, or if every time she met me I drank OJ… but no. We only drink soju together. 


I think this is comparable to giving someone a present and telling them "You love your present!". 
I'm not sure if that supposed to make you feel inclined to agree, or if someone is just asserting their belief out loud. loudly. about you. 

However this assumption is saner than others I’ve been on the receiving end of.
I was eating with a friend of a friend for the first time, and in the middle of dinner she gasped and said「うわ！サラさんって右利きですかっ！？」(Whoa! You're right-handed?!).

Studies show that up to 90% of the world's population is right-handed.
With a statement like that, it would statistically be more likely for someone to say "Whoa! You're a girl?! I've never seen one before!" in relation to roughly half the population being of one sex or the other.

Anyways, this lady was surprised because 「外人はみんなサウスポーやっと思ってた～」(I thought all foreigners were southpaws (aka lefties)).

Of course, you CANNOT live in Japan and expect people to assume you speak their language. White people speak English. Only. Period. However, if you do say something like 「こんにちは」(konnichiwa), then  people will immediately comment on how awesome your Japanese is. While they feel that they're complimenting you on your hard work and discipline to learn their language, you feel you're being belittled by being overly praised for something mundane.


In Japanese eyes: "Congratulations! You are the first to decipher the most complex language in the world without studying it for 18 years!"


Non-Japanese perspective: "Wow! You can tie your own shoes and feed yourself! You're a big girl now!"


There's no point in even mentioning that you know well over 2,000 kanji. This does not compute. I once had a long talk with a lady about the JLPT 1 that I had passed back in the day, when it wasn't the N1 (2007), and she later sent me a LONG txt msg. All in hiragana. Including her address. In Hiragana. 
She also spelled 「こんばんは」as「こんばんわ」 which is comparable to using the wrong "their / there / they're" in English.


The whole reason why kanji exist in Japanese is because the language is incomprehensible without them. Maybe if they had a few more vowels and final consonants to throw in the mix you could work hiragana out, but you might as well just speak another language instead then. 


In conclusion, regardless of whether I'm cut out to represent America and or Texas, everything I do here is "because I'm American/ White" so I long ago decided to try and change people's perceptions by being "culturally inclusive". As in, I believe you should adapt to the country you live in and not expect people to bend over backwards to fit your cultural needs.

Tourists can be forgiven because they spend their money and leave, but if you're going to live in a country, you better speak the language.